The sun’s rays penetrated my skin as I slyly slid through the coffee bushes. My time out in the field in Uganda is ingrained with memories that will stay with me forever. However, before I was able to get into the field, the fellowship required me to endeavor a class that academically challenged and tested my abilities. At first, in the fellowship process,I felt imposter syndrome. I was sitting in the first day of class with wide eyes and feeling like a deer in headlights. Why was I chosen I thought? I clearly am not intelligent enough to be in this room. I looked around at the young talented and brilliant people that surrounded me and felt as though I did not belong. Anxiety filled my brain as my own thoughts told me that I was not capable to succeed. As it turned out, my thoughts were wrong. The academic rigor of the class and the passion I had to learn about social entrepreneurship and how to break the cycle of poverty fueled and pushed me to accomplish things I never imagined my 21 year old self to be capable of. By the time the Spring quarter class finished I was confident to get on the plane knowing that things would change and ambiguity was waiting, but I was ready.
As my intellectual maturity grew during the Spring quarter through the teachings and research I experienced; my emotional maturity and awareness of my own self grew as a result of my time spent in the field during the summer. I had never been alone in a developing country before without supervision and it forced me to develop in ways I had previously not thought possible. I became aware of the fact that my cheery face in the hectic busy streets of Kathmandu did not go hand in hand. I quickly learned life lessons and matured in ways that would not have been possible. Throwing yourself in an unfamiliar place and having to navigate it when you do not know the language, the culture and what exactly you are doing is immensely uncomfortable, but it is exactly these type of situations that force us to grow. I experienced the growing pains of feeling unsafe, lost, and nervous, but those pains turned into strengths of feeling more confident, decisive, and strong.
The field taught me how my skills and passions correlate strongly to action research, and social justice work that specifically involves working with communities. I immensely enjoyed interacting with people, especially people who have different backgrounds, opinions, and ways of life than I do. Being out in the field talking with coffee farmers that were a part of NUCAFE’s cooperative was where I felt most present, energized, and alive. I loved hearing what the farmers had to say, especially the women farmers. I listened to some of the challenges they face as being women. I knew I would never understand the things they have to go through, but their willingness to open up to me, connect with me, and allow me to empathize with them was an honor. I knew that talking with people and understanding people's needs is my strong suit. The experience made me understand that in life I thrive when working on problem solving with people in the community that will help the greater good and environment. I heard the issues the farmers have and for our research wanted to understand how we could improve the system and their livelihoods. Working for a greater purpose is a value that has been ingrained in my mind since a young child, but was further instilled by this experience. I also became aware that in life I would like to work for an organization or a place that is culturally diverse and inclusive. I witnessed the value of work that happens when different types of people men, women, Americans, and Ugandans collaborate and can produce something unique. Having a work environment in which I can spend time on the ground working with people in a community and in the field is a quality that has helped me through this vocational discerning process that comes when graduating from University and making the next step. I imagined out in the field I would figure out my life, and have an epiphany in which I knew exactly the path of where I wanted my life to go. You guessed it that did not happen. For good reason of course, because at age 22 I should not know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I do know my values. I want to be helping people and being a part of creating a more just sustainable world. As I think about my time in the field and what sparked my fire I hold these values with me when discerning for my next step in life. My path will always be trying to make the world a better place by working to combat environmental and social justice issues that are inextricably interrelated. Though this is my path in life that I would like to follow I am aware my jobs and careers will change many times, but I am determined for my values to never leave me. When deciphering through what type of jobs to look for having an inclusive diverse workforce, working for a purpose that I align with, and not having a 100% desk job are values and attributes that I am not willing to compromise on. Whether my next path be a job, a fellowship, or anything else under the sun my values and what is meaningful to me is something that will not change and will help guide my decision path as I understand my skills and interests more.
As my intellectual maturity grew during the Spring quarter through the teachings and research I experienced; my emotional maturity and awareness of my own self grew as a result of my time spent in the field during the summer. I had never been alone in a developing country before without supervision and it forced me to develop in ways I had previously not thought possible. I became aware of the fact that my cheery face in the hectic busy streets of Kathmandu did not go hand in hand. I quickly learned life lessons and matured in ways that would not have been possible. Throwing yourself in an unfamiliar place and having to navigate it when you do not know the language, the culture and what exactly you are doing is immensely uncomfortable, but it is exactly these type of situations that force us to grow. I experienced the growing pains of feeling unsafe, lost, and nervous, but those pains turned into strengths of feeling more confident, decisive, and strong.
The field taught me how my skills and passions correlate strongly to action research, and social justice work that specifically involves working with communities. I immensely enjoyed interacting with people, especially people who have different backgrounds, opinions, and ways of life than I do. Being out in the field talking with coffee farmers that were a part of NUCAFE’s cooperative was where I felt most present, energized, and alive. I loved hearing what the farmers had to say, especially the women farmers. I listened to some of the challenges they face as being women. I knew I would never understand the things they have to go through, but their willingness to open up to me, connect with me, and allow me to empathize with them was an honor. I knew that talking with people and understanding people's needs is my strong suit. The experience made me understand that in life I thrive when working on problem solving with people in the community that will help the greater good and environment. I heard the issues the farmers have and for our research wanted to understand how we could improve the system and their livelihoods. Working for a greater purpose is a value that has been ingrained in my mind since a young child, but was further instilled by this experience. I also became aware that in life I would like to work for an organization or a place that is culturally diverse and inclusive. I witnessed the value of work that happens when different types of people men, women, Americans, and Ugandans collaborate and can produce something unique. Having a work environment in which I can spend time on the ground working with people in a community and in the field is a quality that has helped me through this vocational discerning process that comes when graduating from University and making the next step. I imagined out in the field I would figure out my life, and have an epiphany in which I knew exactly the path of where I wanted my life to go. You guessed it that did not happen. For good reason of course, because at age 22 I should not know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I do know my values. I want to be helping people and being a part of creating a more just sustainable world. As I think about my time in the field and what sparked my fire I hold these values with me when discerning for my next step in life. My path will always be trying to make the world a better place by working to combat environmental and social justice issues that are inextricably interrelated. Though this is my path in life that I would like to follow I am aware my jobs and careers will change many times, but I am determined for my values to never leave me. When deciphering through what type of jobs to look for having an inclusive diverse workforce, working for a purpose that I align with, and not having a 100% desk job are values and attributes that I am not willing to compromise on. Whether my next path be a job, a fellowship, or anything else under the sun my values and what is meaningful to me is something that will not change and will help guide my decision path as I understand my skills and interests more.
Another thing I was not expecting to have an impact on me was the aspect of family. The culture in Uganda of how important family is and how the mothers care for their children was heartening. The coffee farmers we visited in the village did not have much by any means but the children running around being picked up by their mothers, friends, and the rest of the community caused my whole body to be enveloped with the feeling of love. It reminded me how important family is and question decisions about where I want to live in the future. As I live across the country from my family it has been hard to not be close by for important events, and has resulted in me questioning geographically where I belong. It also made me question a very future thought of maybe wanting to have a family one day. I was always the person to say that I never wanted to have children, and wanted to concentrate on my career but something inside me changed and a feeling to what children and be close to my family when I am older came over me. After seeing these resilient women farmers caring for their children, their family, and running the entire farm I was inspired by who strong they were and the fact that they were doing it all. It changed my thought process of thinking about family and career in two different categories because the two can simultaneously happen as I was seeing it before my eyes. As many things can change before I am ready for that part of my life having that change of mind or at least developing a more open mind about the subject struct me by surprise and is something that will forever last in me.
Having a more open mind and changing my opinion was a theme of the fellowship and a characteristic about myself that I have become more aware of. My opinion about the Catholic Sisters and Catholic Church was questioned and changed as well. Becoming aware of how stubborn and opinionated I can be sometimes about things was revealed and understanding how I can let my guard down and practice to have a more open mind has been a critical life lesson.
After returning from the field these qualities of greater self reflection and maturity was taken back with me to the United States. The part of the fellowship I did not expect to be so impactful is the second half of the experience. Once again I was tested and proved to myself the high quality work I was able to complete. Working diligently with my partners and completing 3 main deliverables was an unforgettable experience that has left an undeniable satisfaction. The reason as to why I was able to put so much time, effort, and passion into completing these deliverables is because they will be sent to a real company in which they will hopefully add value for the people we worked with. I believe that if I work for something in which I am passionate about and I know will better the world even if it is in a small way the work does not necessarily feel like work. Knowing that the work we did will be used to help NUCAFE and the people we worked with is rarely something that happens in a classroom setting. Adding real value to a company that is in a different country than your own is something majority of people my age will never do.
After returning from the field these qualities of greater self reflection and maturity was taken back with me to the United States. The part of the fellowship I did not expect to be so impactful is the second half of the experience. Once again I was tested and proved to myself the high quality work I was able to complete. Working diligently with my partners and completing 3 main deliverables was an unforgettable experience that has left an undeniable satisfaction. The reason as to why I was able to put so much time, effort, and passion into completing these deliverables is because they will be sent to a real company in which they will hopefully add value for the people we worked with. I believe that if I work for something in which I am passionate about and I know will better the world even if it is in a small way the work does not necessarily feel like work. Knowing that the work we did will be used to help NUCAFE and the people we worked with is rarely something that happens in a classroom setting. Adding real value to a company that is in a different country than your own is something majority of people my age will never do.
In addition the vocational discernment course that our professors Keith Warner, Thane Kreiner, and Stephen Carroll lead and connections they are willing to lend is an opportunity I can not imagine without. I have improved my networking skills and have been exposed to like minded people that I respect and aspire to be. The connection with mentors who are willing to help you and talk with you through a difficult scary transitional period brings needed comfort and support to help decipher the next step. The discernment process has shaped my senior year and has allowed me to understand how I will have many jobs, but in life I want to live for a calling and a purpose. The advice that was given to me through the class and will continue to run through my mind is follow what you are passionate about, what you are good at, and understand how that can come together and help the world, and that will help my decision making throughout my entire life.